Why Slowing Down Is Essential for Experiencing Pleasure

Modern life moves fast. Between work, social media, and constant responsibilities, many of us spend our days rushing from one thing to the next. Over time, this constant pace can leave us feeling disconnected from our bodies, often numb or simply “switched off.” When we lose touch with physical sensation, we also lose touch with pleasure and desire.

The good news is that slowing down is something we can all practice. Understanding how it supports arousal and pleasure can help you rebuild a connection with your body and create the right conditions for intimacy to grow.

Why Slowing Down Works

When we live in a constant state of busyness, our nervous system stays switched on in what’s known as the “fight or flight” state. The body doesn’t distinguish between real danger and everyday stress, so even something as small as running late to a meeting can trigger the same response as a physical threat.

This heightened alertness makes it hard to access pleasure. For arousal to occur, the body and mind both need to feel calm and safe. Slowing down helps us shift into the “rest and digest” state, where relaxation comes more easily and sensations are easier to notice. This physiological calm creates the foundation for deeper feeling and stronger sensation during intimacy.

When we give ourselves time to slow down, we allow the body to open to touch and erotic experiences in a way that speed and stress never can.

From Awareness to Arousal

Slowing down builds body awareness, which creates nervous system safety, expands sensory capacity, and supports arousal and pleasure.

In Sex Therapy, slowing down is about retraining the body to recognise pleasure again. When we approach touch without any goal and simply notice what we feel, the nervous system learns that touch is safe. Over time, this process increases our ability to sense and enjoy pleasure. When the body feels grounded and calm, it becomes more responsive to intimacy and connection.

How Slowing Down Leads to More Pleasure

Slowing down helps shift focus from performance-based or goal-driven sex to a more embodied experience. When we stop trying to reach a particular outcome, we make space for subtle sensations that are often overlooked.

This gentle attention to the body supports emotional and physical connection, making pleasure easier to access. The more we practise slowing down, the easier it becomes to feel aroused and connected.

If you’re unsure where to begin, here are five simple ways to start slowing down and reconnecting with your body.

Five Ways to Start Slowing Down

1. Take short pauses
Throughout the day, stop for a moment to notice your breath, posture, or the sensations in your body. These small pauses build awareness and presence.

2. Notice neutral sensations
Pay attention to the texture of your clothing, air on your skin, or the rhythm of your breathing without trying to make it sexual. This helps rebuild connection with your body.

3. Soften stimulation
Dim the lights, lower background noise, and reduce screen time. Creating quiet space helps your nervous system unwind.

4. Try the guided audio practice
Miano Clinical Sexology offers a free 15-minute Broader Body Touch (sensate-focus) guided audio practice designed to help you slow down, explore gentle touch, and rebuild a sense of safety and connection with your body. You can find it on our website here.

5. Repeat regularly
Consistency matters. Over time, these small moments of slowing down retrain your body to associate calm with pleasure.

Try our free Sensuality Exercise to help you slow down:

FAQs

Is Sensate Focus practice sexual?

No. The practice focuses on neutral touch and physical awareness, not sexual stimulation. It helps you reconnect with your body in a safe and supported way.

How often should I do Sensate Focus?

Once or twice a week is a good start. The goal is to build awareness over time, not to achieve a particular result.

Can Sensate Focus help with low libido or desire?

Yes. Many people with low desire benefit from reconnecting with their body and re-establishing a sense of safety before arousal naturally returns.

Can Sensate Focus help with erectile dysfunction, anorgasmia, or sexual pain?

Yes. Learning to slow down and regulate your nervous system can support people experiencing erectile dysfunction, delayed or absent orgasm (anorgasmia), and sexual pain such as vaginismus or vulvodynia. These practices help the body relearn that touch and arousal can be safe, reducing anxiety and tension that often accompany these experiences.

What if I don’t feel much during Sensate Focus?

That’s completely normal. Awareness develops gradually as your body learns that slowing down and gentle touch are safe.

Do I need to do Sensate Focus with a partner?

No. This is a solo, non-sexual practice designed to help you reconnect with yourself. Once you feel comfortable, the same principles can be used in partnered intimacy.