When a person repeatedly has sex with their partner despite not actually wanting it, feelings of disgust can emerge over time. As relationships are often a source of intimacy and pleasure, it can feel confusing when a person experiences disgust over sex with the person they love. Violation of Bodily AutonomyOne of the primary reasons for feelings of disgust is the violation of body autonomy. Even in committed and consensual relationships, when sex happens out of obligation or pressure, it can feel like a betrayal of one’s own boundaries. Over time, these experiences accumulate, and the body begins to register sex as discomfort or even revulsion. This is not because the partner themselves is inherently undesirable, but because the act itself becomes associated with a loss of control or agency. Repeatedly pushing oneself to engage in sex without desire can make a person feel disconnected from their body and boundaries, leading to the sensation of disgust as a defence mechanism. Emotional DisconnectionSex is often considered an emotional and intimate act. However, when it occurs too frequently without mutual desire or connection, it can feel hollow and mechanical. This emotional disconnect can exacerbate feelings of dissatisfaction, and over time, disgust can set in as the act of sex becomes something a person endures rather than enjoys. How Guilt and Resentment Plays a RoleGuilt often plays a significant role when people engage in sex they don’t truly want. Whether it’s due to societal expectations, pressure from a partner, or internalised beliefs about what it means to be a “good” partner, people may feel obligated to have sex even when they are not in the mood.
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This guilt can quickly turn into resentment, either towards oneself or their partner. Over time, this resentment can manifest as disgust, as the individual starts to associate the sexual act with feelings of being used or manipulated.
Trauma and Past ExperiencesFor some, past experiences of trauma can also trigger feelings of disgust in the context of unwanted sex. If someone has a history of sexual trauma or coercion, engaging in sex when they don’t want to may reawaken feelings of helplessness or violation. Even in a loving relationship, this can lead to a visceral reaction of disgust, as the person’s body and mind react defensively to avoid further harm. The Importance of CommunicationCommunication is key to preventing these feelings from arising. In relationships, both partners need to feel comfortable expressing their desires—or lack thereof. When one partner consistently feels obligated to engage in sex, the power dynamic in the relationship can shift, leading to emotional distance and feelings of sexual disgust. Open, honest conversations about sexual boundaries and mutual satisfaction are crucial to maintaining a healthy relationship where both individuals feel respected and understood. How Sex Therapy Can HelpIt can feel confusing to know where to start with opening communication and understanding what you do desire. Sex therapy can help people reconnect with what brings them pleasure and learn more effective ways to communicate. It can also assist in reducing shame of not desiring sex and help couples approach sex in more flexible ways. To learn more about sex therapy and about booking in at Miano Clinical Sexology, enquire here. |