50 Erotic Questions for Building Sexual Intimacy

Building intimacy starts with a connection and in order to connect, it’s important to understand.

To build sexual intimacy in your relationship and support meaningful connection, MCS has compiled 50 erotic questions to exchange with your partner. Building on our 50 Questions for Intimacy the questions in this article are more erotically charged. You can expect to learn about your partner’s sexual mind, and have them learn about yours. Each group of questions is separated across five levels of depth and may bring up a range of emotions, therefore we suggest being sensitive to each other’s boundaries. Don’t feel pressure to answer every question or share your reasons for passing, and give your partner the opportunity to do the same.

Once you are ready to begin, we suggest blocking out distractions and making your space feel intimate, whether that be mood lighting, soft music, comfortable clothes, or a calming drink.

Enjoy.

1. What messages did you receive about sex growing up? Was it something to be ashamed of embraced?

2. Do you remember the first time you felt turned on? What was that experience like for you? (e.g. exciting, scary, intriguing, confusing, shameful, neutral)

3. What were your early partnered sexual experiences like?

4. How have you grown as a sexual partner over time? How would you like to continue growing?

5. In what ways does connecting to your gender make you feel sexy or empowered?

6. Is there an outfit I wear that you find especially sexy? What turns you on about it?

7. What is your favourite part of my body, and why?

8. What helps you stay present and enjoy touch during intimacy? (e.g. a tidy room, music, mood lighting, mindfulness activities)

9. What’s a simple pleasure that makes you feel good in your own body?

10. Do you consider outercourse as sex? (e.g. oral, fingering, handjobs etc.)

1. What were your earliest experiences with masturbating like?

2. If you’ve experienced one, what was your first orgasm like?

3. How does emotional connection change your experience of sex?

4. Do you tend to crave sex when you’re stressed, or not at all? What do you like or dislike about that desire?

5. Do you ever feel pressure to perform during sex? In what ways? (e.g. being enthusiastic, pressure to have an erection or orgasm)

6. How can I support you if you’re finding it hard to be present during sex?

7. Can you remember a time when we were the most playful during sex? What made it fun?

8. How does eye contact during penetrative sex make you feel?

9. What’s your experience with eye contact during oral sex – giving and receiving?

10. Can you imagine our sex life changing over time? What might it look like?

1. What is your favourite sexual memory of ours? What made it special?

2. Are there any challenges you’ve had in past sexual relationships that you haven’t experienced with me? Why do you think this is?

3. How do you experience climax – physically, mentally, emotionally?

4. What kind of interactions get you in the mood before sex starts? Why? (e.g. date nights, laughter, feeling supported, sharing vulnerabilities)

5. What kind of touch turns you on at the start of sex? (e.g. long kisses, sensual massages)

6. What are some turn-offs that make you feel disconnected from sex?

7. What’s something I do during sex that really turns you on and why?

8. What are your favourite sex positions?

9. Do your sexual preferences change depending on your mood or situation? Can you give an example?

10. What has been your favourite way that I’ve initiated sex and why?

1.Where do you enjoy being touched most, and how?

2. How do you usually masturbate?

3. When you masturbate, what do you tend to think or fantasise about near orgasm?

4. When you fantasise about me, what do you think about – what kinds of images or fantasies come to mind?

5. Are there any specific noises or words you find arousing during sex?

6. What do you find especially sexy or beautiful about my body, including my genitals?

7. How can you tell when I’m really turned on?

8. What is something you were once unsure about but now you enjoy sexually?

9. Are there any toys you would like to explore with me?

10. Has any part of your sexuality ever brought up shame, fear, or confusion?

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1. In what ways do you enjoy being dominant or submissive during sex?

2. What’s something ‘unexpected’ or unconventional that you find sexy?

3. Is there anything that you would like to explore that might be considered kinky?

4. Is there any part of our sex life you would like to strengthen or explore more deeply?

5. What is something I do during sex that usually makes you orgasm?

6. If at all, what kind of physical touch to non-genital areas feels best when you’re orgasming and how do you like to be touched there?

7. Is there anything about sex that brings up anxiety for you? Why do you think that is?

8. Do you experience stress or pressure around any part of your sexual functioning? If so, how can I best support? (e.g. pain during sex, desire challenges, lack of arousal, orgasm struggles)

9. Have you ever had a fantasy that felt confronting or surprising to you?

10. Is there something you’ve never told me that you’d like to try sexually?

How Sex Therapy Can Help

If you have experienced sexual trauma or struggle with sexual concerns, you may wish to seek support from a sex therapist. The questions above are designed to foster connection and supplement sex therapy, not to stand in its place.

Sex therapy can help to identify factors that might be holding you back from being intimate with your partner or connecting to your sexuality generally. It is a completely individualised approach that is uniquely tailored to each partner and relationship.

To learn more about sex therapy at Miano Clinical Sexology, enquire here.

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These questions were created in collaboration between Sexologist Laura Miano and Sexologist Hazel Gilman.

Hazel Gillman completed an internship at Miano Clinical Sexology. She is a Melbourne-based sexologist, and is passionate about improving inclusivity and accessibility to sexual wellbeing, especially in relation to neurodiversity, disability and sexuality across the lifespan.

FAQs

What are erotic intimacy questions?

Erotic intimacy questions are prompts designed to help couples explore their sexual connection in a safe, structured way. They encourage open conversations about turn-ons, boundaries, desires, and fantasies, which can deepen both emotional and physical intimacy.

How can asking erotic questions improve my relationship?

Asking erotic questions encourages trust, communication, and vulnerability. By learning about your partner’s sexual history, desires, and preferences, you can build confidence in your sex life and create a stronger emotional bond. Many couples find that simply starting these conversations reignites desire and excitement.

Are these questions only for couples?

No. While they are particularly useful for partners looking to strengthen intimacy, individuals can also use erotic questions for self-reflection. Understanding your own sexual values, turn-ons, and fantasies can make it easier to communicate with future partners.

Is it normal to feel awkward asking these questions?

Yes, absolutely. Talking openly about sex can feel uncomfortable at first, especially if you didn’t grow up with positive messaging around sexuality. The more often you engage in these conversations, the easier and more natural they become.

Can erotic intimacy questions replace sex therapy?

No. These questions are a tool to support connection, but they don’t replace professional support. If you are experiencing sexual pain, performance anxiety, low desire, or have a history of sexual trauma, a qualified sex therapist can provide personalised strategies.

How should we use erotic questions in our relationship?

Set aside distraction-free time, create a safe and comfortable space, and take turns asking and answering. Respect each other’s boundaries (there’s no need to answer every question). You might explore one or two questions per week.

Can asking these questions help if we have mismatched libidos?

Yes. While erotic questions won’t “fix” libido differences, they can open up deeper conversations about what each partner needs to feel desired and satisfied. This often leads to creative solutions and a more compassionate approach.

What if my partner and I disagree on our answers?

Differences are normal. The goal isn’t to agree on everything but to understand each other better. If disagreements cause conflict or distress, working with a sex therapist can help you navigate those conversations more effectively.

Are erotic questions safe for people with sexual trauma histories?

They can be, but sensitivity is crucial. Trauma survivors may find certain questions triggering. Always check in with your partner, give permission to pass on questions, and consider exploring these prompts with the support of a therapist.