Building intimacy starts with a connection and in order to connect, it’s important to understand.
To build intimacy in your relationship and support meaningful connection, MCS has compiled 50 questions to exchange with your partner. Each group of questions is separated across five levels of depth and may bring up a range of emotions, therefore we suggest being sensitive to each other’s boundaries. Don’t feel pressure to answer every question or share your reasons for passing, and give your partner the opportunity to do the same.
Once you are ready to begin, we suggest blocking out distractions and making your space feel intimate, whether that be mood lighting, soft music, comfortable clothes, or a calming drink. Once you complete this exercise, we suggest moving onto our 50 Erotic Questions for Building Sexual Intimacy.
1. What does your perfect day look like?
2. If you had the option to not work, how would you spend your days?
3. Would you like to be famous? If so, for what reason?
4. What qualities of mine were you first attracted to?
5. What songs do you associate with our relationship and why?
6. What does intimacy look and feel like to you?
7. What makes you feel loved and appreciated?
8. What brings you joy?
9. What is something you like about yourself that our relationship brings out?
10. What is your favourite memory of us?
1. Out of the five senses, which is the most sensual to you and why?
2. How do you like to give and receive love? Do you think this is compatible with how I give / receive love?
3. Do you think our job schedules affect our relationship? If so, how would you change them to better our relationship?
4. When have you felt most intimate during our relationship and why?
5. When have you felt most proud of me?
6. When have you felt most proud of yourself during our relationship?
7. What is the sexiest thing about me?
8. What do you think is the sexiest thing about yourself and when do you feel this way?
9. What makes our relationship strong and why?
10. What memory of us makes you laugh?
1. What small things make you feel loved and/or supported by me? (e.g. putting your toothbrush on charge, packing you a lunch)
2. What is something that you’re afraid to accomplish? How can I support you with this?
3. If we met five/ten years prior to the start of our relationship and we were both single, do you think we would have gotten into a relationship earlier?
4. What helped to get you through a hard time in your life?
5. What would your younger self think about our relationship?
6. If you could watch back one moment we have shared, which would you choose?
7. How and when do you like to be touched outside of sexual intimacy?
8. When have I made you happiest?
9. Ideally, how would you like me to support you better?
10. What do you think is the best way to confront a problem within a relationship? Do you think we do this well?
1. What taught you how to be in a relationship and show love?
2. Do you ever feel uncomfortable being emotional in front of me? If so, why?
3. Are you content with the level of non-sexual intimacy in our relationship?
4. What are your most important values?
5. What differences make us compatible? Why do you think this is?
6. What do you hope that I achieve in life?
7. Do you feel like I understand and listen to you? Why?
8. When have you felt most listened to and/or understood by me? Why was this?
9. Is there anything you would change about your childhood? If so, what is it and why?
10. Do you have any regrets in life? If so, what are they?
1. Ideally, what does independence in a relationship look like to you?
2. How could I make your life easier?
3. What boundaries are important to you in a relationship? Why?
4. Do you experience a fear of failure anywhere in your life? How do you try to quieten that thought?
5. Is there anything you would like to change about our relationship?
6. When does our relationship give you vitality? How?
7. What are your biggest weaknesses out of our relationship? How would you like me/ our relationship to support this?
8. What are your hopes / dreams for our relationship?
9. How do you envision your life to be in five and ten years?
10. Is there something you’ve wanted to ask me but haven’t? If so, do you feel comfortable asking now?
How Sex Therapy Can Help
If you have experienced sexual trauma or struggle with sexual concerns, you may wish to seek support from a sex therapist. The questions above are designed to foster connection and supplement sex therapy, not to stand in its place.
Sex therapy can help to identify factors that might be holding you back from being intimate with your partner or connecting to your sexuality generally. It is a completely individualised approach that is uniquely tailored to each partner and relationship.
To learn more about sex therapy at Miano Clinical Sexology, enquire here.
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These questions were created in collaboration between Sexologist Laura Miano and Sexologist Hazel Gilman.
Hazel Gillman completed an internship at Miano Clinical Sexology. She is a Melbourne-based sexologist, and is passionate about improving inclusivity and accessibility to sexual wellbeing, especially in relation to neurodiversity, disability and sexuality across the lifespan.