Building intimacy starts with a connection and in order to connect, it’s important to understand.
To build sexual intimacy in your relationship and support meaningful connection, MCS has compiled 50 erotic questions to exchange with your partner. Building on our 50 Questions for Intimacy the questions in this article are more erotically charged. You can expect to learn about your partner’s sexual mind, and have them learn about yours. Each group of questions is separated across five levels of depth and may bring up a range of emotions, therefore we suggest being sensitive to each other’s boundaries. Don’t feel pressure to answer every question or share your reasons for passing, and give your partner the opportunity to do the same.
Once you are ready to begin, we suggest blocking out distractions and making your space feel intimate, whether that be mood lighting, soft music, comfortable clothes, or a calming drink.
Enjoy.
1. What was the messaging around sex like for you growing up? Was it something to be ashamed of or something to embrace?
2. What was it like experiencing your first feelings of arousal? (e.g. exciting, scary, intriguing, confusing, shameful, neutral)
3. What were your first partnered sexual experiences like?
4. How have you grown as a sexual partner? How do you expect to grow in the future?
5. How does connecting to your gender make you feel sexy?
6. What outfit of mine are you most sexually attracted to?
7. What is your favourite part of my body? Why?
8. What do you need in order to be mindful of pleasurable touch? (e.g. a clean room, mood lighting, mindfulness activities)
9. Do you define outercourse as sex? (e.g oral, fingering, handjobs etc.)
1. What were your first experiences of masturbating like?
2. If you’ve experienced one, what was your first orgasm like?
3. How does emotional connection change your experience of sex?
4. Do you typically want sex when you’re stressed? What do you or don’t you like about it?
5. Do you put pressure on yourself to perform during sex? If so, how? (e.g. pressure to have an erection or orgasm)
6. How can I support you when you’re struggling to be present during sex?
7. When were you the most playful during one of our sexual experiences?
8. How does it feel to make eye contact during penetrative sex? Why?
9. How do you feel about eye contact whilst giving/ receiving oral sex? Why?
10. Can you see our sex life changing? How so?
1. What is your favourite sexual memory of ours? Why?
2. Are there any concerns you’ve had in past sexual relationships that you haven’t experienced during our relationship? Why do you think this is (e.g. did our relationship heal them)?
3. What does climax feel like to you?
4. What makes you want sex before it starts? Why? (e.g. date nights, laughing, feeling supported)
5. What turns you on when you’re starting to touch one another (e.g. long kisses, sensual massages)
6. What things/ thoughts turn you off from wanting sex?
7. What’s your favourite thing that I do that turns you on during sex?
8. What do you like about me when I’m turned on?
9. What are your favourite sex positions?
10. Does your preference change depending on your mood? Give examples.
11. What has been your favourite way that I’ve initiated sex? Why?
1. Where are your favourite places to be touched and how?
2. How do you masturbate?
3. When you masturbate, what do you think about just before you orgasm?
4. When you fantasise about me, what do you think about?
5. What noises/ words do you find arousing during sex?
6. What do you like about my vulva / penis?
7. How do you know that I’m turned on during sex?
8. What is something you were concerned about trying but now enjoy?
9. Are there any toys you would like to incorporate into our sex life?
10. Is there anything about your sexuality that you have been ashamed of, afraid of or confused by?
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1. When and how do you like to be dominant/ submissive during sex?
2. What is something ‘unexpected’ that you find sexy?
3. Is there anything that you would like to incorporate into our sex life that some might find kinky?
4. Is there any part of our sex life you would like to work on?
5. What is something I do during sex that usually/ always makes you orgasm?
6. When touched, what non-genital area of your body helps you orgasm? How do you like to be stimulated here?
7. Does any part of sex ever bring you anxiety? Why?
8. Do you find anything about your sexual functioning stressful? If so, how can I support you with this? (e.g. pain during sex, experiencing desire, building arousal, having an orgasm)
9. What’s a confronting fantasy you’ve had?
10. How do you like to be physically stimulated whilst you’re orgasming?
11. Is there anything you want to try with me sexually, that you haven’t mentioned before?
How Sex Therapy Can Help
If you have experienced sexual trauma or struggle with sexual concerns, you may wish to seek support from a sex therapist. The questions above are designed to foster connection and supplement sex therapy, not to stand in its place.
Sex therapy can help to identify factors that might be holding you back from being intimate with your partner or connecting to your sexuality generally. It is a completely individualised approach that is uniquely tailored to each partner and relationship.
To learn more about sex therapy at Miano Clinical Sexology, enquire here.
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These questions were created in collaboration between Sexologist Laura Miano and Sexologist Hazel Gilman.
Hazel Gillman completed an internship at Miano Clinical Sexology. She is a Melbourne-based sexologist, and is passionate about improving inclusivity and accessibility to sexual wellbeing, especially in relation to neurodiversity, disability and sexuality across the lifespan.