Sexual shame can involve feeling embarrassed, uncomfortable, inadequate, or “not normal” in relation to your sexuality, sexual desires, body, or sexual functioning. Shame may be directed towards particular desires or preferences (e.g. an enjoyment of foot play), aspects of sexual identity, or sexual functioning (e.g difficulty reaching orgasm).
Causal factors:
Sexual shame can develop through both our thoughts and experiences with others. It is often influenced by the messages we receive about what sex, sexuality, and our bodies are “supposed” to look like, and can be shaped by broader cultural and societal attitudes towards sex. These messages can come from family, religion, education, media, porn, or past relationships and sexual experiences.
Over time, these ideas can become internalised, leading to self-judgement when experiences do not fit what is considered “normal” or expected. Sexual shame can also be linked to self-criticism or comparison, particularly around body image, sexual desirability, performance, or feeling like we are “good enough” sexually.
How Therapy Helps:
Sex therapy provides a safe, non-judgemental space to explore and work through feelings of sexual shame. This may involve understanding where shame comes from, how it has been shaped by past experiences and societal messages, and how these beliefs can influence the way someone sees themselves and their sexuality.
Grounding and self-compassion strategies can help manage feelings of shame when they arise. Education around sexual diversity, common sexual experiences, and myths about sex can also challenge the idea that certain desires, bodies, or sexual experiences are wrong or abnormal.
Sex therapy can support clients to challenge unhelpful beliefs, develop a more accepting relationship with their sexuality, and make choices around sex and intimacy that feel more aligned with their values.